Maybe I Can Just Peter Pan My Way Through Life?
An email from a friend of Waking Youth
Hello friends,
In an end-of-the-year spirit, in the last couple of days, I’ve been revisiting Waking Youth’s roots and sensing what this pet project wants to become. It has been more than a year since I launched this newsletter, four since I recorded my very first official interview with Catharina Doria. And more than fifty interviews later, between Waking Youth and my esteemed one-year detour at Resetting Homo Sapiens, I feel like I’m just getting started!
As part of this reflection, I found myself skimming through old newsletters and correspondence with some of you. One of the emails I was delighted to re-encounter was a reply to one of my initial newsletters back in August 2022 from Elias Sohnle Moreno, a dear friend. In a couple of paragraphs, Elias disclosed some of the questions and contemplations he was sitting with at that point in his life.
I decided to share his words with you for two reasons:
First, I believe they represent, in a manner as succinct as it is beautiful, what Waking Youth aspires to be: a platform for a collective discovery of what it means to do this “grown-up thing” a bit more wisely, irrespective of our biological age; an excuse to keep each other company; a space to nourish, (re)define, and expand our solitudes—the territory from which we’ll engage with the world.
Secondly, because so much of what Elias shared that day still resonates with me, and perhaps with you too.
Enjoy, and if you feel called to, let me know what comes up for you in the comments section or by replying to this email.
With love,
Carlota
An Email From Elias
Grown-up life is strange.
I am getting more and more responsibility at the company, and it’s unbelievably strange to be taken seriously. I’ve always been the youngest one in my family and many friend groups, and it probably gives me some kind of inferiority complex.
I’m one of the youngest ones at the company too, but it feels different because this time we’re doing things in the real world. My decisions have an impact on the direction we’re going as an organization, and the actions our clients take. And I get a say in that! I feel weirdly inadequate suddenly realizing that what I contribute is taken seriously.
That being said, my colleagues are extremely helpful and they guide me to the extent I want while giving me enough space to make this job my own, with no script or pre-made job description (perks of working at a young company!).
Aside from that, I’m financially independent and have more money than I can spend for the first time in my life. I make more money than some of my family members. And that feels weird too. I suddenly don’t find myself that happy when I receive twenty euros from my grandma, or when someone pays for my cup of coffee. I didn’t expect to be any happier with more money, but it still feels strange that suddenly “being free” doesn’t make me feel any different.
Now I’m about to move into a new apartment, and I might get a dog when I have had enough time to think about it and feel sure that I’m mature enough to care for another living being for the coming decade.
Coming back to having money, I feel like the freedom I gained from being financially independent came at the expense of losing the freedom of my time. I devote half of my waking hours to work, which is kind of crazy in the grand scheme of things. That is "normal", though. Maybe when I think it’s normal I’ll be a real grownup. Do I want to be a grownup? Maybe I can just Peter Pan my way through life…
It also feels strange that I’m in a different stage in life than my friends, since most of them are still studying abroad. And the ones who are already working also live abroad. I’m excited to move back home though. It will force me to meet new people. Making new friends is always super super exciting, but also takes a lot of energy and you have to be ready to be disappointed a few times…
Grown-up life is strange.
Maybe this entire email answers your question of why the concept of change is on my radar. How will I feel when I’m thirty, forty or fifty?
Sorry for the long text! So happy to see that you’re going strong with the podcast, very excited to hear what’s coming!
Beijinhos!
Elias
So many important themes in this post. The only thing I can add is that, at 62, I am still asking myself these same questions, like Am I a Grown Up Yet? My life is not "normal" in that I don't have kids, I live in a sailboat and travel much of the year. I am married, and I work still--and being a freelance editor and writer I sometimes am working when the rest of the world is on vacation, like this week. But I love my work, my home, my dog, and my husband, not in that order, so I consider myself to be incredibly lucky. And I'm glad we connected! Looking forward to being a part of your Substack community and following the podcast too. Feliz Navidad a todos!
Great questions here, many of which spin around my head regularly, particularly those about the amount of life sacrificed for the sake of stability. While I live in a financially fortunate situation, I am still forced to work. Luckily, I have chosen work that I find meaningful and that allows me substantial breaks throughout the year to focus on art, self, family, and friends. When I feel the need to leave education (about once every two weeks), I am reminded of the blissfulness of summer and other off times, in which I am allowed to become a feral artist, a wild thing, untrimmed and untethered to the demands of society. I have decided to stick with it for now for this reason. I've also gotten a bit better at finding time for what I love amid the workload, and, the older I get, at listening to my heart and saying no to anything that doesn't align with it. Always always seeking to re-acquaint myself with that inner child, the unadulterated free spirit, always hoping I never settle into normalcy or aspire too much to comfort.